Married Life With - A Lamia

Sleeping with a lamia is an exercise in trust and temperature regulation.

This is the elephant (or rather, the rat) in the room. Most Lamia are obligate carnivores with a dietary preference for whole prey. You are a human who probably enjoys a kale salad. married life with a lamia

The Reality: You will have a separate shelf in the freezer for her "meals." These are not ribeyes. They are frozen quail, rabbits, and depending on the size of the Lamia, the occasional goat kid. The Etiquette: Do not watch her eat. Lamia are shy about their feeding habits. They unhinge their jaws and swallow their food whole. Even the most progressive human spouse admits that watching their beloved slowly absorb the vague shape of a piglet is a libido killer. The Solution: Date night is for sushi (which she will swallow in two bites) or for you eating your pasta while she enjoys a pre-warmed, pre-killed meal in the garage or a dedicated "feeding den." It sounds clinical, but couples who respect this boundary report high marital satisfaction. Sleeping with a lamia is an exercise in

You think you know body language? You don't know body language until you've tried to read the mood of a five-hundred-pound serpent. You are a human who probably enjoys a kale salad

The Lamia tail is not an appendage; it is a second voice. It is a neurotransmitter. It is a weapon, a hug, and a white flag all at once.